"At parents and teachers hands fall, it is difficult to communicate with them, it is impossible to conduct dialogue with them, it is impossible to inform of the simple truth them, from them it is impossible to wait for adequate behavior!", - all this can be heard quite often when it comes to difficult teenagers. But the few think that it is also difficult for them to come into contact with people around.
Instruction
1. Belief that children are born "difficult", deeply incorrectly. Of course, play a role and features of character, and injuries got during pre-natal development, during childbirth and in the period of an infancy. But children and teenagers that atmosphere in which they grow does really "difficult" and are brought up. Psychologists allocate four main reasons on which children can show to adults inadequate behavior.
2. Lack of attention from close and significant adults. The attention is what is vital to the child from the first days of life. It is an important component of its successful mental and emotional development. And, if the child does not receive it adequately in the usual way, it begins to violate the rules and the bans established by adults. Yes, reaction which is caused by similar behavior most often negative, but, nevertheless, the attention to it was paid, and one of basic needs is satisfied even if in such a way.
3. Protest against parental hyper guardianship and authoritative education. Consciousness own "I" am formed at the child during crisis of 3 years, and to teenage age reaches the apogee. Then the teenager needs an opportunity and space for self-affirmation. If parents got used to communicate with the child in a categorical form, to inspire in him "common truths" in the form of instructions and remarks, they risk to receive from the teenager reaction of a protest in the form of manifestations of obstinacy, actions counter to councils and manuals. At the same time the teenager not too worries, his actions what their consequences are how correct. The main thing for it at present is to show that he is capable to decide how to it to arrive, prove that it "not the creature shivering, and has the right".
4. Revenge. Yes, the child can begin to revenge parents if he considers that in some situation of his right and the interests were violated. The reasons can be the most various: the birth of the second child, a divorce or quarrels of parents, the temporary forced residence far from other family members, etc. It can be also revenge for "single" offenses if the teenager was sharply criticized, unfairly (according to him) offended, forbade to make something important and significant for him. At heart the teenager realizes that he does wrong and feels remorse, but in practice can show disobedience, unwillingness to study, begins to communicate roughly with adults, to ignore their requirements, etc.
5. Loss of self-confidence. Sometimes, that the child, having experienced failure in one of areas of life, begins to have problems and in other spheres. So, not developed relations with peers can become the reason of bad progress, and difficulties in study can cause the frequent conflicts of the house as which initiator the teenager acts, by the way. Business here in a low self-assessment of the child. Having experienced difficulties in one of spheres of life, it begins to think that it "absolutely is not suitable on anything", loses self-confidence and faith in own success.
6. So that to correct behavior of the teenager, it is necessary to find those reasons which influenced his violation. Here suggestions, long lectures or intimidation will not help. Only having found a problem root, it is possible to look for ways of its decision.
7. Analyze the relations with the teenager. Think whether you made everything to remove stated for higher than 4 main reasons for his bad behavior. To make it without the assistance of the expert sometimes happens not easy. Address for consultation the family or teenage psychologist who will help you to understand a situation.
8. If the root of a problem is found, develop strategy of behavior with the "difficult teenager". Be consecutive, patient and do not wait for fast results. Only having been credible to the child, it is possible to expect that his behavior and the attitude towards you, to a situation and to life in general will change.
9. Attentively monitor any changes in behavior of the teenager. If necessary be ready to correct the tactics of communication with the child.
10. Remember that the most effective form of interaction is a cooperation. Desirable changes will happen only if the teenager trusts you, sees in you not the person who is suppressing and "bringing up" him, and close, seeking to help.