Modern families not always are full. Happens and so that the family consists of mom and the child. Why it happens and how to tell the child about the father if he deserted family?
For the most various reasons of single mothers becomes more. For example, women decide to bring the child, and him it is not important that in their life there is no man. After all, the producer is much easier to be found, than the husband for himself and dad for the child. Besides you should not forget about banks of sperm, and to support, dress, grow up and to bring up the child the woman can do, especially when on pickup there are always a grandmother and the grandfather dreaming of grandchildren.
How to be to mothers at whose children "dad was not"? What to say to children how to behave? Situations are various: the woman became pregnant for herself; the guy left, having learned about pregnancy; the husband found another …
If everything occurred in a civilized way, everything is quite simple. Parents divorced, the child, most likely, remains with mom, and dad visits the now the former family, wishes the child happy birthday or new year and takes part in his life. The kid in that case grows with understanding that it really has dad who lives separately.
But what to tell to the child if dad never meets the child, or the child knows nothing about existence of dad at all?
Father hero
Such method was popular at the time of the Soviet Union. The woman will invent the myth about the great and wonderful person (child's father) who was madly glad to the son/daughter's birth, but which tragically died. Most likely, he died as the hero. For confirmation of such legend it is possible to show to the child of the photo, letter, to compose a story about how you got acquainted, fell in love and td. It is possible even to tell the child the stories based on real events, but slightly embellished. Psychologists, by the way, advise lonely mothers to do quite so that at the child in the head "the light image of the father" was formed. In that case the child will understand that he was desired from both parents, and will not feel unnecessary.
But such method has also a bad point which teaches that even the white lie remains a lie. Whether you are capable to feel well in relation to the child, having begun the relations with it with a lie? Besides, nobody gives guarantees that there will never be any well-wisher who will want to tell the child the truth. Or that it is even more interesting, there can be also a father that will lead to just improbable consequences for children's joy to mistrust to you.
To leave from the answer
"And why Petya and Vasya have a father, and I have no mom? Where my dad?" - "What dad? Do you have mom, you unless have not enough? No? There now and everything, is not present any dad and he is not necessary to us". Some mothers jealously protect the right to be the only parent. It is quite possible that they complete because cannot give to the child of all that the full-fledged family could give and are protected, going to the attack.
Partly they indeed consider that mom is the only thing a being, necessary for the child, and always take offense, when it comes to some there "unnecessary" element in the form of dad. Often the girls who grew up in such family with such mom become lonely mummies. It, of course, is simply healthy when the child has a loving, beautiful and strong mom capable to replace with herself both parents, but over time the child realizes that there has to be one more person who participated in his birth and who is absent now.
Dad villain
"Your dad – the fool and the villain, you is not necessary to him at all, he threw you. It is not necessary even to be the psychologist to understand that such option is not the most correct. What wild offense would not torment the woman, to inadmissibly charge with it brittle children's shoulders even if the father actually real animal. It is necessary to understand that the child already at the most early age understands that in it there is something both from mom, and from dad, especially if say to him that it is similar to dad.
It is very difficult to describe in simple words children's pain about the fact that some part it comes from a disgusting and nasty being with what it in this case mom describes dad. As as a result it becomes terrible to hate the own person and even a manner to go only for the fact that it reminds beloved mom of hatred to the man. Kind of strongly you hated the husband, do not show it to the child – save him from it.
To tell the truth
Perhaps, it is most correct and acceptable option is to tell the child the truth. Of course, at that level at which it will be clear to it also such words which I will not shock him. But it is better not to force events. If the child does not ask, it is better most not to begin a conversation. If asks, one may say, what you do not know if truly you do not know, or to tell that he lives very far. For some time of the child such simple answer will arrange.
Tell that there are such families in which there are dad, mom and the child. There are families in which there are also both grandmothers, and grandfathers, and other children. And there are you are a mom and the child. Try to idealize an image of the father, but not to defame it.