The person falls in love, is in euphoria, apparently, everything well. But the scenario of destruction is suddenly started. For example, because of uncertainty, because of jealousy, because of mistrust or because of fear of these relations. What means ""joins""? This word is meant as desire of the person to create the tension passing into the conflict.
Briefly about why there is desire to destroy the relations. It is from the childhood, at boys are the relations with mother, at girls - with the father. Parents refuse to children attention because are busy or another matters. Small children have no critical judgment and perceive refusal because of employment as refusal of them in general. At adult age this feeling of isolation develops into fears, uncertainty, the underestimated self-assessment and mistrust to the world. And when such person enters the relations, he does not believe that the love can not be followed by pain.
Such is the main base leading couple formed with this personality to parting. Further, as snowball. Every time analyzing the relations, the individual come to a conclusion about the wrong choice of the partner and continues search of the suitable candidate. So, ""touching"" people, it passes ""disappointments in love"" to a stage. On it the direct refusal of love does not happen, another here. Biochemical, the organism of any is not inclined to self-destruction what it follows from that systematically destroying relations of the personality choose unconscious life. For example, it the relations for one night, marriages of convenience and also just friendly relations and cohabitation.
Why it is the bad scenario for life? As soon as the person understands that he fell in love – panic and the destroying mechanisms joins. There is a fear to be thrown, rejected, convicted of insolvency. And the personality not to get into such situation, chooses a way of internal loneliness. In other words, it is only physical participation in the relations without involvement of an emotional component. Again it occurs on call of the nature: the organism adapts under circumstances and tries to turn on biovyzhivatelny mechanisms of rescue of the owner.
How to leave this scenario? Though in our culture it is not accepted, but it is necessary to address the psychotherapist. It is necessary to leave own (personal) scenario, it is individual work.
And now examples to article subject:
- The man Andrey meets the girl Katya who loves him. She offers him the love in "advance payment", saying: "I yours". At first Andrey tries to accept her love, but in the course of the relations he has such feelings: suspiciousness, jealousy, uncertainty. It more often provokatsirut Katya on conflict situations. Gradually, what would not be wise and kind female Katya, she loses interest in Andrey. Because she does not want, not comfortably that with it each 5 minutes sorted out the relations. Important! In life, most often, "thinner" examples meet.
- However to the Woman it is much bigger, than the man can feel and behave as the victim. The personality victim constantly asks the man questions: "why you do not call me", "why you did not take the call", "and where you were" and other. It leads to the fact that cease to reckon with such woman, and then, quite often, leave such relations.
How to distinguish love for the person from the destroying dependence? Answer: the love does not bring pain. Unfortunately, it is difficult to much to believe in it.