Many parents come up against a situation of "revolt" when the teenager as if to spite breaks all bans and requirements of parents. Whether it is possible to cope with it and how it is correct to forbid something not to lose contact with the teenager?
Do not establish the unreasonable bans
This main rule of communication with the teenager. He critically treats all actions of adults, subjects all to the analysis and doubt. Therefore, any ban, unfair from his point of view, will be surely broken.
Explain and explain the position
The unfair ban, from the teenager's position, it first of all, will lock made in a categorical form. When just it is impossible, "because mom so told". In this case the teenager who, applies for a role of the adult feels that with them handle as "small". Natural desire will be to prove that it not so that it only he has the right to decide that "it is possible and that it is impossible".
When you forbid something to the teenager, show patience, explain to him why you forbid it to shirk classes at school or to go to bed at 5 o'clock in the morning. It seems to you that all and is so obvious and clear. The ban in a categorical form, the order will be apprehended by the teenager as insult both will entail offense, and will be broken. If you quietly explain requirements, the teenager will feel that you see in it the adult equal. Actually your child likes and not to seek to do you to you to spite. Therefore if you give him the chance "to be given, having kept advantage", he, most likely, will apprehend such ban. Not with gratitude, of course, but without protest and without hysterics.
Do not threaten and do not order
Do not threaten and do not order – it you will only provoke reciprocal aggression from the teenager and mutual offense. Your relations will be for a long time spoiled and whether as a result … not to happen so what once you will find instead of the child of the person who became absolutely others for you nearby?
Support the teenager
The teenager to learn to take the responsibility, to be independent, to make decisions. Unless not they are independent and successful – you want to bring up him? Therefore you should not sponsor excessively the teenager, support his constructive desire to learn to be the adult,
Sign the contract
It is possible in to offer the teenager a peculiar system of points – for the correct actions the points are charged, for neglect of the duties are written off. So performance of usual household chores to turn for the teenager in into something like a computer game. Whether purchase of which the teenager dreams, etc. can act as a bonus for that other level of balls. However try to organize everything so that your relations did not turn about a form of "earnings" for the teenager or an argument for mutual manipulation!
Trust the teenager
Teenagers sharply feel falseness and affectedness in the relations. And if you do not trust the child, then he will answer you with the same. The most terrible is the nursed grievance. In the relations with the teenager, it is worse, than obvious aggression. He, perhaps, will satisfy your request, but the nursed grievance will remain for the rest of life! Use it as an occasion to cultivate in it responsibility. Become the adviser and the friend to the almost adult child!