In family life it is heavy not only to adults, but also and children. It is especially difficult when in the house the stepmother. Children who lost one of parents try to idealize another. In general, children consider a divorce a temporary phenomenon and dream that shortly their family will reunite. But here new mother or the new father comes to the house. How do they have to concern the nonnative children?
You should not try to behave as mother or the father, it is the most widespread mistake. It is necessary to treat the child kindly, but it is impossible to overstep the limits. The respect, trust and love of the child cannot be got for the first week. It is necessary to come into contact gradually, and then the child if wants to get acquainted closer, will make a step.
It is necessary to spend as much as possible time for communication with the child, and in this communication it is necessary to recognize him. The child is not either an enemy, or the ally, and just the person whom it is necessary to treat kindly.
The bad relations between "nonnative" family members destroy the family beginning. Huge tension between them is very often main reason for it. Tension automatically affects the relations between spouses, and "nonnative" parents always solve the resulted conflicts in a different way, than with own children. For example, if there is a conflict between the stepfather and the stepson, it, most likely, will not begin to abuse it, to beat, offend or force it it is correct to make, but, perhaps, will make all this in relation to the children. Why? Such behavior in relation to the stepson is regarded as attempt to turn out him.
Therefore the biological parent has to punish the child. Happens so that parents blame themselves that they divorced, and, as a result, making amends before the child, allow him too much. In this situation also you should not interfere, and to give the chance to make the decision to biological parents.
Cases when they after the divorce of the child bring up very strictly are also known. Fear of the fact that the child after the divorce of parents can become uncontrollable is the reason of such severity. But, if the biological parent too indulges the child, he, of course, will wait for the same and from the adoptive parent.
If the nonnative father or mother want to improve the relations in family, they have to remember that never to replace with it the real parents. It is also necessary to be ready to the fact that the child will row and show the rights for the biological parent who is wanted to be selected.