The romantic love Initially a subject of love was considered as eyes of psychologists in psychology as "forbidden" But modern psychologists already created several formulas by means of which they try to explain a riddle of romantic love.
Initially the subject of love was considered as "forbidden" in psychology But modern psychologists already created several formulas by means of which they try to explain a riddle of romantic love. 1. Love as a disease the American psychologist Dorothy Tennov in the book "Love and Love" described passionate romantic love as the blind biological mechanism which provided our ancestors with ability not only to breed, but also some time to raise the general children. Tennov does not consider love true love, and describes it rather as the disease state having the following symptoms. 1. The constant notions of compulsion about a love object. 2. Sharp, excessive need for reciprocal feelings of an object. 3. Feeling of euphoria in case of reciprocity. 4. Focus on a love object to such an extent that the person can ignore important duties and not solve pressing problems. 5. The distorted perception of an object of love which is often adjoining on nonsense. At the same time merits of an object are exaggerated, and negative either are ignored, or are considered as attractive. 6. Strong sexual inclination to a love object. Tennov emphasized that though love and simple desire to have sex – not the same, love without sexual inclination does not exist as it is its cornerstone. According to her, it is almost impossible to recover from "a love disease". There are only two possible remedies for love. The first is to stop any contacts with an object. This way is very painful and will almost inevitably lead to a depression, however at the normal person the love at the same time will die away. Other way is to begin the relations. The feature of "painful" love is that it disappears usually in 1-4 years. Not accidentally say that in four years the people most often get divorced. However Tennov does not consider forecasts for couples surely pessimistic. Besides love she also allocated right love which is peculiar to rare examples of happy monogamous couples which long stay together. Such love is "much quieter": obsession other person is not peculiar to it, and it is not similar to insanity. 2. Love as chemistry a Large amount of scientific works encroached on romantic love from the trivial physiological point of view – interested scientists what biochemical processes promote romantic feelings. For example, in one experiment the female interviewer approached young people and left them the phone after the interview. It turned out that men called back to it more often if before passed through the mountain river – excitement from physical activity promoted romantic interest. Some hormones and other substances connect with with love, in particular the following. 1. Feniletilamin – substance, which in trace quantities (it is not enough!) it is developed in a brain. It is in many respects responsible for "mad" love. On action it is very similar to cocaine or to other drug from a class of stimulators therefore forces to feel excitement, euphoria and sexual desire during love. Unfortunately, action of a feniletilamin temporary, the person gets used to it and the beloved does not cause the same "chemical reaction" any more. 2. Oxytocin. Fortunately, to rely only on euphoria of a feniletilamin not to have: there is still oxytocin – hormone which is produced in a brain and affects genitals (both men, and women) and also promotes allocation of milk at nursing mothers. Except the aforesaid, oxytocin is responsible for sensitivity to touches. It causes in us desire "to poobnimatsya" and also helps to resist to stresses. Its level in blood increases at communication with close people, especially if at the same time there is a tactile contact. Oxytocin is capable to attach us to the person and to keep the relations when feniletilamin ceased to work. What is interesting: the better the person treats himself, the better at him balance of these two substances, the more successful it the choice of the partner. 3. Love as a triangle the Psychologist Zeke Rubin suggested to consider romantic love as a set of three elements - attachments, cares and intimacies: 1. Attachment – the need for care, approval and physical contact with other person. For example, points out desire to urgently complain to darling attachment if to you it is bad or lonely. 2. Care – concern about others requirements and happiness is more, than own. The feeling of care forces us to put the interests of other person on the first place, to worry about it, to seek to help and console. 3. The intimacy means the general thoughts, desires and feelings which unite two people. The more the intimacy, the is more trust between people, the desire to share the ideas and emotions is more. On the basis of these three components Rubin even developed scales on which in literal sense it is possible to estimate "power of love". 4. Love as a palette In the book "Colours of Love" the psychologist John Alan Li considered not essence of romantic love, but its versions. He compares love to a color circle. On it there are three primary colors, and Li considered that there are three main styles of love. He called them beautifully and in Greek – Eros, Ludos and Storg: 1. Eros – love for the ideal person. 2. Ludos – love as a game. 3. Storg – love as friendship. Continuing analogy to a palette, Li offered that three primary colors it is possible to combine and create complementary colors. As a result nine types of love will turn out. For example, if on a palette of love to mix Eros and Ludos, then the Mania – persuasive love will turn out. In the same way, if to mix Ludos and Storg, then Pragma – realistic and practical love will turn out. If to mix Eros and Storg, then it will turn out to the Agape feast – compassionate and unconditional love. 5. The love as friendship One of classics of "psychology of love" of Elaine Hatfild with colleagues allocated two types of love: compassionate and passionate. 1. The passionate love is connected with strong and uncontrollable emotions. According to Hatfild, she depends on our education and accidental circumstances – the situation or some personal characteristics of the person signal us that it is "romantic" - and the brain receives a signal to fall in love. 2. The compassionate love qualitatively other, ideally passionate love has to pass into compassionate. Such love is based on the general values, and it is possible to call it love friendship when people just like to communicate, spend together time. The ideal love, perhaps, could unite passionate love and stable love friendship, but, by words Hatfild, it is a huge rarity. For this reason fading of passion is endured best of all by those couples which have general cultural and moral values and a general view on the world.