Problems of modern family and way of their overcoming"

Official statistics indicates what every second family finishes with a divorce, and the indicator promptly increases. This phenomenon is explained by the fact that falling of morality and indistinct idea of family values are inherent in modern society. People live in an age of temptations because of which they cease to pay attention to something more important. Problems are solved easier, and communication between people remains more difficult. At collision with difficulties of couple apply efforts for the solution of a situation less, and more often make the decision to disperse instead of fighting for joint happiness. What problems the modern family faces and whether there is other getting out of difficulties, except a divorce, we will understand further.

The reasons of problems in family

Marriage is the union of two different people who have the thoughts, complexes, fears, desires and requirements. People do not cease to recognize each other throughout all life, and how often happens, open for each other in a new way during the conflicts and stressful situations. Problems in family can have the psychological, social, financial, personal and psychosomatic background.

The reasons of disagreements in modern families:

1. Unavailability to serious life. Often happens when partners are forced to agree to early marriage, without having time for "grinding in" to each other. As a result it turns out that one or both spouses are not ready to carry out family duties and are not prepared for adulthood. Such marriages can serve as a stress to yet not created persons that in a consequence influences their mentality and behavior. The same reason can influence emergence of the problems connected with education of the child.
2. Children's fears and complexes. If the person in the childhood suffered a psychological trauma or there were factors which influenced its protection from society, these qualities will find for themselves manifestation time in the future sooner or later. It can be expressed in closeness from the partner, diffidence, isolation. Often children's complexes disturb in decision-making and can be shown in any situation.
3. Inability to hear each other. Many couples got used to exist by the principle "I think", but not "we think". The inability to conduct honest dialogue and unwillingness to listen is led each other to quarrels and the conflicts.
4. Mutual offenses. Throughout family life of the spouse put forward claims each other which are based on differences in character and the different points of view. It leads to irritation and discontent. Offenses are suppressed and collect, and the negative image of the partner is formed later.
5. Personal space. Each person has the right to freedom of the space. Especially brightly it is shown when the person a long time of veins one, but after the beginning of joint life turns out that it is not ready to let in "the cocoon" someone another. Thus, throughout marriage it conducts constant fight "for the territory".

Important! Actions of the tyrant consist in suppression of self-respect at family members, understating of their self-assessment and support of feeling of constant fault before it. Such families do not develop, their emotions are suppressed under sensation of fear to make something not so, and children get a psychological trauma and grow diffident.

Current problems of modern family

Problems of modern family in many respects differ from problems of last generations. The modern times dictate the rules on the relations and the organization of economy. Except problems, also approaches to their decision are different. If people of last generation tried to keep family integrity even if spouses had to each other no romantic feelings, then modern partners are considered as "individuals", with the rights and desires.

Quarrels and scandals

Any family at a certain stage of joint life faces the conflicts. Quarrels — the normal phenomenon, and sometimes even useful. In some cases the conflicts help partners to get rid of the collected fatigue and irritability. They can serve as the activator for "reset" of feelings. But other conflicts can have destructive consequences, lead to depressions, a stress and psychoses.

Whether you know? The young family is the least resistant to marriage preservation. 60% of all stains belong to couples which are married from 1 to 5 years. The initiator of stains in young families the woman becomes more often.

There is no uniform approach to classification of family disagreements, each case is individual, however there are "traditional" social and psychological causes of quarrels:

1. This ardent feeling often harms the relations. The jealousy can be healthy (when there are reasons for jealousy, and it gives in to logic) and pathological (painful and causeless jealousy which becomes chronic and leads to self-destruction). Quarrels because of pathological jealousy arise because of mistrust, and mistrust — the first reason for a distance of partners.
2. Such conflicts can arise at the young couples unprepared to paternity, or at skilled parents because of difference of views in education of children. Often in such conflicts also the third parties are involved: mother-in-law, mother-in-law and other relatives.
3. The financial background is that boundary between peaceful and conflict family life. It can be connected with the wrong distribution of finance, illogical division of responsibility, the limited family budget and not controllability of expenditure.
4. Often happens when close people do not help to solve the conflict, and only add "fuel to the fire". The relations — a personal record of two, and only they have to take responsibility for a solution. The dissonance in which relatives and friends are involved has property to last infinitely.
5. House efforts. At the beginning of the relations the life seems a pleasant opportunity to show care of the partner. But over time household chores become a burden for both. The person forms an image of life in which he lived earlier therefore during joint life two worlds of rules and customs which can lead to quarrels face.

Alcoholism

Problems in family because of addictions are the most widespread. According to official statistics, in every third family there is a person suffering from alcohol. At first alcoholic drinks seem a marvelous elixir from problems: unsuccessful self-realization, diffidence, constant quarrels in family. Acceptance of alcohol can become joy in love affairs, the relations with the spouse.

After consumption of alcoholic drinks the reality is greased, and the person is not capable to make adequate decisions. Nervous system weakens and gives in to the increased emotionality. The person in this state is capable to do nonsenses and to show cruelty, as a result the family suffers, and the problem is aggravated each time.

Whether you know? According to official figures alcoholism and drug addiction become the reason of 16% of stains.

After everything comes to a stage of serious alcoholism, the organism is deformed, and thinking is distorted. This period is special test for family. Children in a dysfunctional family get spiritual wounds, complexes and diffidence with which their consciousness is formed. To often such children, having matured, it is heavy to start happy families because they distorted idea of them.

The most widespread is male alcoholism. Men in state of intoxication are capable of manifestation of aggression to the family. Stay with such man in one house becomes intolerable. If your spouse — the alcoholic, and he has personal desire to recover, that is chance of change of a situation. Treatment for alcoholism is impossible without desire of the patient. Female alcoholism by the nature does not differ from men's, but develops much quicker. The first stage is characterized by use of alcohol for stress relief, relief of feelings after failures. The second stage — alcohol intake "in an occasion and without", the dose affecting intoxication increases. The third stage — the need for alcohol as in food and water, not controllability of a dose and reduction of mass of a brain.

According to sociologists, male alcoholism develops on average in 16 years, and women's — for 10. Also, women receive toxicity from alcohol more than men are more inclined to a binding to alcoholic drinks in case of heredity. The family with the drinking mother is doomed to crash.

With increase in a dose at the woman the concept about responsibility is erased, she ceases to watch economy, forgets about education of children or shows to them aggression. The psychological climate in such house is intense, and quarrels follow a continuous chain.

It is important! That the child did not get to the bad company and grew in full-fledged society, it is necessary to improve initially with it the open relations, to be to it a support and support, to help to overcome diffidence and fear.

Tyranny and aggression

Many families face such problem as tyranny and cruelty. The tyrant in family can be only one, and as a rule, his image is connected with the man. Really, the despotism phenomenon in family in 90% cases concern men. Life with such person becomes intolerable, the family bears scandals and humiliation, and children grow up diffident.

In what tyranny nature? Houses it is shown by constant control over all members of the family, criticism of any actions, manifestation of aggression or even manhandling. The person tyrant is subject to frequent change of mood, the anger is key. Joy and positive mood, as a rule, lasts not for long and is connected with personal complacency and satisfaction from results of the shown power. The family of the despot has to adapt to his mood all the time.

Strangely enough, in the despot the "big child" inclined to infantilism and lack of self-sufficiency disappears. He covers the weakness and cowardice with aggression and increases "ego" at the expense of the power over people around.

There are two types of despots:

1. "Open" — his anger does not disappear and extends to all relatives. Violence is shown physical and moral.
2. "Hidden" — the person who lives under a cover of the decent spouse. People around are convinced that he is a careful family man, but houses it breaks on the family, subjects to constant criticism, destroying them as persons. In that case his family is exposed to violence emotional.

Learn in more detail about violence problems in family.

Beliefs of psychologists are that despots do not change the habits eventually and if you became hostages of the tyrant and suffer from emotional or physical abuse, from such person it is necessary to run. But to make it not always simply because his family under the influence of fear "is bound hand and foot" and can even be exposed to threats.

Psychological

The psychology of modern family differs from family psychotype from the past. It is connected with the accelerated progress of mankind, change of an order of foundations, an aseksualization and deformation of perception of a role of a domestic tyranny in society. Can be examples of current problems of psychological character which modern families face:

1. Change of a role of the woman. If earlier the role of the spouse was considered from a position "mother" and "hostess", then now roles "personality", "the successful worker" are added to these parameters. In modern society to the woman change by roles because of what it develops sense of guilt is characteristic if it allows the most part of time for earning money, but not for education of children. It is important to woman to have enough time for self-realization and manifestation of creative potential. Without developing at the personal level, there is irritability and dissatisfaction from life. This factor serves as an imbalance in relationship with the husband therefore there are family conflicts.
2. Not perception of the statuses. When one of spouses promptly develops and raises the social status, it concerns the second partner with neglect and pushes it into "background". In that case there is a mutual rejection of roles which consequence is misunderstanding and loss of trust in the relations.
3. Deterioration in intimate relations. The dissatisfaction and disharmony in sexual life result in diffidence and a distance of partners.
4. Androginization of partners. Appeared in society recently and means gradual deleting of borders between signs of the man and the woman. In other words, it is women who find masculine signs, and men with womanly characteristics. Such spouses have several gender roles. Within family it affects deformation of personal development, communicative interaction between partners and also affects character and bents of the person.

Read also what is the family relations.

Financial

Young families as they begin "to twist the nest" from scratch face financial problems more often. Many couples did not manage to save up the budget for creation of family yet. First of all it is a living space question. Life with parents cannot long proceed as it leads to an imbalance in young family, and finding new housing, lovers spend the most part of the budget and are forced to refuse much.

Financial difficulties also overtake family with appearance of the child as the woman goes on maternity leave, and the maternal grant does not block expenditure for the child. Disputes can arise also because of discontent of the spouse that the spouse during her stay in a maternity leave does not leave enough funds for pocket expenses. Also disorders can arise if one of spouses is not satisfied with financial opportunities of the second. It leads to reproaches in its party, to causticities and as a result decrease in its self-assessment. In this case the second partner to whose party the expression of discontent is directed, moves away, often becomes an inveterate drunkard or leaves family.

Monetary problems can be connected with the wrong distribution of the family budget. The one who earns more has to be responsible for it, and both partners have to approach reasonably a question of expenditure, fairly distributing them.

It will be interesting to you to learn what can be the relations between the man and the woman.

Often scandals arise because of differences in the system of values and habits of partners. For example, when one got used to accumulate for realization of large purchases in the future, and the second spends any appeared money for insignificant trifles.

Emancipation of women

Women throughout many centuries tried to obtain the equal rights with men and received the desirable at the beginning of the last century. Earlier the role of the woman came down to education of children and housekeeping. She had no right to vote, choose a profession, to develop, have other hobbies besides those which concerned the family center. Now the woman — the modern, active, and comprehensively developed personality. She can freely choose the partner, independently make the decision on marriage and the birth of children. Loan of men's duties bears also negative consequences. First, the emancipated woman has no time for full housekeeping and education of children. Because of it she "is broken off", is not in time, performs too many functions and overtires, and it results in dissonance of the relations with the spouse and the internal conflicts in family.

Secondly, emancipation led to the fact that the woman performs men's functions. It can beat a nail, cope with driving of motor transport, earn money, make decisions. Over time it is possible "to play" with it and to adopt male traits of character: the roughness, untidiness and also to lose femininity. It is necessary not to forget that the man wants to see houses the tender and attractive wife, but not a prototype of in a woman's face.

We recommend to you to learn how to attract love of the man in the life.

Thirdly, gradual emancipation affects statistics of birth. The modern girl devotes much time on self-development and hesitates on the birth of one child, or at all refuses marriage and children, putting career on the first place. It leads to a malodetnost of families and frequent change of partners. For this reason the percent of incomplete families increases every year that negatively influences formation of society.

Problems of young family

Problems of young family are the certain sphere of a research. As a rule, the first years of marriage the most difficult, partners did not manage "to become independent" in the financial plan yet and "got used" to each other not enough. Their joint relations only begin, and they recognize the partner "on the other side of a medal". The main difficulties in young family:

1. Household disorders. Lovers got used to different stereotypes of maintaining household economy, because of unwillingness to change habitual duties for new there are quarrels.
2. Unpreparedness to education of the child. The first experience of paternity in a sense is "stressful". The psychological factor of emergence in family of "the third life" is shown. Both parents build anew life, get used to new distribution of duties, build the new system of values.
3. Insufficient socialization of spouses. During creation of family of the spouse spend time for entry into big social society (study, employment, professional courses). It affects a lack of time for arrangement of joint life. Negative factors of social community can affect relationship in family. Failures with search of job or a problem in study are transferred to the house and cause mutual quarrels and disorders.
4. Financial instability. The young family needs large deposits to joint housing, household arrangement and other material requirements. Partners only begin to learn to keep the family budget and to plan expenses. Often at this stage there are conflicts because of differences in the system of values. Especially financial crisis affects after appearance of the firstborn.

Learn in more detail how to adjust and improve the relations with the husband.

Not to allow problems in the future, young people have to remember that the harmonious and loving family will be formed only in the environment of mutual aid. It is necessary to sacrifice the "I" and to learn to make concessions.

Forget about rules and orders of life in which you grew earlier, now you build joint type of new family. It is necessary to distribute duties and to agree about the system of maintaining the joint budget so that it suited both parties.

Problems of foster homes

Certainly, the decision on acceptance of the adopted child is correct, and should not raise doubts. However, it is always necessary to be realists and that "to pave the way" for future joint life, it is necessary to understand what problems you can face. Understanding of possible difficulties will prepare you for their decision. The first period of accommodation is together characterized by tension in family. It is caused by the fact that the child gets to new unfamiliar conditions, and parents feel fear to make something is not right. This period is "acquaintance" between family members. At first the kid is not ready to accept new parents, especially if remembers former mother and the father. In new family he is closed, shows offense or even hostility. Further problems can arise in the course of education.

Many understand that the thrown children grew in dysfunctional families where parents were alcoholics, addicts, thieves, and other dropouts of society. In this regard new parents subconsciously look for in children of their line. For example, an active game is taken for aggression, unwillingness to study for intellectual backwardness, thus forming a negative image of the child.

Read also how to understand: you love the person or it is attachment.

Any unjustified hope for such kid looks in the opinion of the parent as the proof of his harmful heredity. Often the families which took the adopted child meet financial difficulties. It is connected with the fact that parents by all means wish that the kid adequately looked among peers. They are spent for good clothes, the computer, entertainments and pocket expenses.

As a result the list of expenditure increases, and between spouses there can be disagreements in distribution of the budget. Foster homes can also come under influence of social problems. As a rule, this psychological rejection of the adopted child by society. Often happens when adopted children at school become derelicts or are exposed to "slanting" views of neighbors.

How to solve problems in family?

If your family faced problems - it is not a reason for panic. On any clear sky there are clouds sooner or later, but there passes time — and through them the sun makes the way again. For the solution of any difficulties it is necessary to act together. To be discharged and make the decision alone — the wrong measure which will even more alienate you from the partner.

Learn to conduct openly and honestly dialogue with "soulmate", prove that you the good listener also apply the best diplomatic qualities. Sometimes for an exit from a difficult situation it is necessary to learn to struggle with arrogance and offenses. Often two are guilty of disorders.

Sovetum to you to learn how to get to fall in love the husband and to return former passion to the relations.

Find the fault and honestly admit it, show to darling that you do not want war, and are ready to change for an achievement of peace in family. Find a mutual way out, being able to donate a part of the interests for the family benefit.

Psychologists recommend the following steps which can help with fight against difficulties:

1. Do not talk to darling during anger. When you in bad mood, for you tells rage, you are not capable to make decisions. Let's emotions cool down and start a conversation "with cold heart".
2. Take a distance. Sometimes sensibly to see things, it is necessary to take a detached view of them. Move away from a problem for some time (not physically, and morally), and then together with the spouse look for an exit.
3. Help of the expert. If it is difficult to you to find mutual understanding with the partner, and the problem accrues, destroying wellbeing of family — resort to the third party. It can be the family psychologist, the lawyer, the psychoanalyst, the narcologist.
4. Break-up of family. When a situation too difficult, it is necessary to escape from self-destruction. It concerns situations if the husband the tyrant also applies in your party violence, or the husband the alcoholic, the drug addict, the compulsive gambler. If you see that the person does not wish to change, and joint life turns into torture for you and children, the best exit — to be limited from presence of such person and to decide on a divorce.

It is useful to get acquainted with current problems which arise in family not only to those who already faced them, and and that whose life in marriage is cloudless and harmonious. In any relations there are disappointment periods in each other, disagreements and the conflicts. Understanding of difficulties which can follow ways will prepare you for quiet reaction to them and systematic decisions.