Any parent has to be able to find a common language with the child. The trust and the correct communication will help to understand problems and fears of the child and to explain him some difficulties arising in the relations between people, parents, friends.
Opinion that the kid should not penetrate into family problems or secrets on reaching certain age and also that when he grows up, everything will understand - it is wrong opinion. Most often there is the return reaction when children blame someone from parents for many problems, and it is even worse when transfer fault to themselves. So there are many complexes and psychological problems.
The first step to mutual understanding with the child is manifestation of interest in its affairs, study, interests and other important things. Especially attentively it is worth treating reaction to behavior and the words told unconsciously, for example, at a quarrel between the husband and the wife. Children do not understand a difference between emotional explosion and just told phrase. Everything that is told by adults, and especially parents, "is absorbed" and reinterpreted by the child. Many children are afraid to be thrown, blame themselves for the bad relations with parents, difficult worry when they give them bad notes or when some thing breaks on their fault.
If to the child it is quiet, without negative emotions to explain importance of current situation, the value of the broken thing or the wrong behavior, then the relation of the child will be more confidential, the fear will disappear. Over time, such behavior will be natural. In a difficult situation the kid will not become reserved, and will come to mother or the father for council.
It is impossible to intimidate the child for the purpose of manipulation with his behavior. When speak to him about angry people or terrible brownies who will come for it if he behaves badly, then it is unknown what such fear can develop into.
The kid has to feel a part of family, but not the derelict and unworthy. It is possible to begin with questions of the choice of clothes or personal belongings and also to inquire in his opinion on repair in the children's room or the choice of the place of walks. Of course, not always the opinion of children is rational and correct, but it is possible to agree with them or it is clear to explain features of behavior.
Each child is a personality who was born not voluntarily. He is not obliged to do as relatives want from it. But in any kid the internal rush which is responsible for the help to parents, care of them, respect for the environment has to in itself be shown. It is possible only at the correct education in the children of necessary values.