The crisis of teenage age coming in 11-13 years is the most terrible period for parents. Even if the previous stages of growing did not bring special efforts, the grown-up children begin to give unpleasant surprises. How to behave with young rebels?
Teenage crisis is connected with two features: aspiration to independence and puberty. Both components bring considerable discomfort in family life. The child begins to defend the freedom and, struggling with parents, at the same time endures internal fight, changes in the organism, hormonal splashes. You can or smooth or aggravate hard process of growing.
Despite everything "beat about the rights" the teenager, he still needs the mode of a dream and food. Rapid growth demands energy which appears thanks to healthy nutrition and good rest. But to put to bed, like the good old days, it will not turn out. Your task is to inform of the meaning of what you want from it the teenager.
The child grew up and demands bigger freedom of action. Do not interfere with it too strictly. Create certain borders which should not be broken, but leave leeway in these borders. Allow to make independently some decisions and to be responsible for them.
You are afraid of an abyss which arose between you and your child. But do not try to attach him to yourself violently. There will pass several years, and he will want to be near you again. Now he needs some distance to taste independence, to take the first steps in adulthood, to fill the first cones.
That the aspiration to independence did not get inconceivable turns, prevent thirst of independence. Let the teenager will have a sphere of his influence to which you will not climb. Do not dig in its things, you do not come into the room without knock, let's dispose of the small sum of money at its discretion.
Do not think that flogging by a belt will calm down the teenager. Physical punishments will only aggravate the family conflicts. The teenager will treat you aggressively and mistrustfully, and can run away from the house at all. But also it is necessary to punish for unacceptable behavior too. As punishment it is possible to deprive of the teenager of one of his pleasures: the Internet, the TV, walk with friends, etc. If you say to the teenager that in case of this act he will receive certain sanctions, then have to keep a word. It follows from this that it is necessary to leave idle threats at itself, and fair "penalties" need to be given to execution.
Talk to the teenager as the adult. Quietly, validly, with deep arguments. Ask his opinion, consult on some questions, you share the news and experiences. But do not go too far. Details of your conflicts with the spouse should not be discussed with the child. And without it it is necessary him hardly.
Do not go also into other extremes. Some parents consider that if they put on as their children to behave also and to talk, using a teenage slang, then will gain trust and respect. In practice such behavior pushes away and causes bewilderment and hostility.
At this age the child has to have own purposes and plans for their achievement. You can help to be defined or provide the choice to the teenager. It is possible to recommend some literature on this subject or to throw the corresponding book.
Appeals to freedom do not say that you are not necessary to any more child. To the teenager your attention, support and a wise advice is more than ever required. Be near, be open to a conversation and are ready to give a helping hand if about it to ask you.