Both women, and men can face love dependence, however not everyone knows how to overcome this obsessional neurosis. In article you will read about the main reasons and signs of love dependence and also how to leave it and what actions for this purpose need to be made.
Main reasons for dependence
The love dependence cardinally differs from love. The loving person feels joy and satisfaction while dependent — cycling on the partner to make obsession to it well at any cost, at the same time having put the interests on the last place. For the dependent person there are only interests, requirements and desires of an object of passion to which he seeks to please.
Whether you know? Most of people before marriage fall in love about seven times.
Suffering from this state donate the life to the partner who sees each other him as a powerful figure, he can bring joy one presence or a tender look. However such partner can easily cause sense of guilt when he something is dissatisfied or angry, forcing the dependent partner to accuse of everything himself.
Psychologists claim that not all get to love dependence: the high probability to give in to it at vulnerable people with a low self-assessment who look for warmth, love and caress they are ready to wait for years for "the" person.
In the childhood such people suffered from a lack of attention and feeling of a nedolyublennost, they in the dreams draw an image of the ideal partner. The reasons of such state can be in the childhood when at the child the attitude towards itself is formed.
Major factors of risk for love dependence are:
- alcoholism or other dependence someone from family members;
- mental illness someone from family members;
- codependence at least one family member which is expressed in the persuasive help, excessive control, suppression of close;
- physical or emotional abuse in family;
- sexual violence in the childhood, a sexual shade of the relations between the child and someone from family;
- authoritative or inconsistent education, suppression of desires, ban of expression of disagreement or negative feelings.
It is important! If the love dependence is strong and it is independently impossible to cope with it, address the psychologist who will be able to pick up the correct method of treatment.
Thus, communication with someone from parents hurt, developed a habit to be on the lookout, destroyed a self-assessment and self-respect. The child loves the parents, despite their acts therefore in such destructive families the suffering is weaved with love that can affect future relations at the child when he becomes an adult.
Signs of love dependence
The person suffering from love dependence can face manipulations of the partner who feels this state in other partner and tries to gain from it maximum benefit. To leave a vicious circle of suppression, both the partner, and by itself, it is necessary to distinguish love dependence in due time. Which main signs are such factors:
- illusory representation of happiness only at the moment when the partner is near, it is happy and takes care and attention;
- full commitment and dissolution in the partner;
- the relations bring many sufferings, often there are quarrels, the conflicts and threats of the partner them to stop, but business does not reach a final gap;
- despite misfortune in the relations, impossibility to present itself without them;
- the lack of response from the partner or his physical distance is led to alarm, fear and a depression;
- the people surrounding the partner are perceived as threat to the relations;
- loss of interest in other people even if earlier close friendship connected with them; cycling on the partner and his interests;
- the inability is realistic to be estimated the partner's shortcomings, aggression at the instruction on them other people;
- in a conversation the dependent person often speaks about the partner or speaks from his face;
- loss of ability to independent end of the burdensome relations as parting will lead to pain of loss and sense of guilt.
Important! It is not necessary to look for casual meetings with an object of the love to communicate. Feelings which are not supported with personal contact will come to naught over time.
Who suffers more: man or woman
The love dependence at men and women proceeds differently. Love of the man develops quickly, but at the same time also quickly there is "cooling". Women fall in love gradually, but subsequently to release the partner for them heavier and more sick.
Is not a secret that the love dependence is more peculiar to women — they are more inclined to become attached to darling and to be dissolved literally in it. However to claim that women are subject to this state only, is not necessary. Such state depends not on a floor to a large extent, and on the personality and conditions in which it was formed. Men can also test love dependence of which to get out extremely not easy.
How to get rid of dependence
Having defined at itself this state, it is necessary to work on getting rid of it. For disposal of dependence it is necessary to take a number of steps.
To the man
To get rid of dependence to the man who was close it is necessary to make such actions:
- to throw out or give all its gifts;
- to thank the person in the letter and to say goodbye to it. It is not obligatory to send such letter, the main thing is to formulate the feelings;
- for a while to exclude communication with mutual friends and acquaintances;
- to avoid a mention of it in a talk and not to complain to girlfriends;
- to go to have a rest whenever possible;
- to allow himself to be nonideal and to be engaged in self-development;
- to abstract for a while from the new relations and to stay alone with itself;
- to focus on itself and not to remember the last relations;
- as much as possible to fill up occupations the free time;
- to make entries of the thoughts and feelings, through time it is possible to re-read them and to rethink.
Whether you know? The first love most often occurs at teenage age and lasts from 1.5 to 4 months.
The woman can also become dependent from the married man where situation is complicated by the fact that it has a family. In this case the woman feels a number of restrictions: impossibility to call or communicate at any time, uncertainty of the status and often the obscure attitude of the lover towards her. A serious step for disposal of the relations with the married man is understanding of a toy in the partner's hands, recognition of this communication unpromising. In this case it is necessary to tear off all contacts with a passion object and to find to itself work to liking. After a while, when pain of parting will cease, creation of the relations with the free partner is possible.
Learn how it is correct to leave the married man.
To the woman
Men also can suffer from love dependence, however their state is aggravated with the fact that men usually hide the feelings not to seem weak. Inside they can experience melancholy, rage, a depression, however an environment can even not see these problems. Usually in the relations in which the man feels love dependence his self-assessment is very low therefore therapy in this case is directed to its increase. If desired it is necessary to get rid of love dependence to the woman:
- to analyze the relations and a possibility of influence on them;
- to draw conclusions on that, to arrive properly in the future not to get into such situation any more;
- to recognize that responsibility for the physical and emotional state the man independently;
- to cease to see the person a row ideal;
- to recognize the mistakes, without being engaged at the same time in self-destruction.
How to overcome love dependence
Easier to experience love dependence, it is necessary to give more time to sport, work and communication with friends.
It will be interesting to you to learn how it is correct to leave the man.
The sport renders the invaluable help in overcoming dependence as physical activities raise vitality and promote improvement of appearance and a self-assessment. It is possible to choose yoga — it makes positive impact on an emotional state and to spend the collected energy, occupations dances will approach.
To overcome a love illness, psychologists advise to plunge into work. Working progress, career development, identification of as professional well influence a self-assessment and help to overcome love dependence.
Communication with friends
It is necessary to meet often friends, especially if during the relations they receded for you into the background. Remember old friends and you strike up new acquaintances. It is necessary to look for with people of a common ground and to discuss various subjects. Give preference to positively adjusted people, avoid those who criticize your desire to change and develop.
We advise you to learn, as well as where to find love.
The love dependence is uncomfortable for the dependent partner, it suppresses him as the personality and destroys self-respect. Knowing about how to get rid of this phenomenon and to lift the self-assessment, you will be able to overcome the dependent state and to construct the harmonious relations.