The main characters always live in fairy tales long and happily in peace. However in realities, pleasure and happiness — things with a limited expiration date. Newlyweds experience inflow of happiness which several years will last. Then their special feeling passes, and they come back to a point with which once began. That it is possible to make again to return passion to the relations between the guy and the girl, we will tell in this article.
What is love actually?
Since antiquity the people gave a set of definitions to the concept "love". At Greeks it was called "madness of gods". The modern psychology indicates an emotional component of process and calls it aspiration to emotional unity with the partner. But what it actually love?
Whether you know? Poll of 1997 showed that 35% of truck drivers think driving of the families, and only 7% think of sex, drink and night rest.
This word has a set of values:
- sexual inclination;
- thirst for sexual pleasure;
- romantic inclination;
- affection for other person.
Interaction of reason and feeling creates uncountable forms of love. They are sung by poets of different eras and cultures. This feeling begins with romanticism. The intensive romantic love, or enthusiastic hobby lasts of half a year up to 2–3 years and then turns into attachment. The special value of the partner is characteristic of romantic love: he is the center of the world, and everything that it does — it is good, correct and relevant.
Lovers experience differences of mood, sudden uneasiness, attracts them to each other. When the love turns into attachment, people have irrational desire less often. They try to subordinate the activity to some order, at the same time keeping the benevolent attitude towards the partner.
Where does the passion leave?
Over time each of us grows and changes. Some people grow together. While the growth of others depends on time, different circumstances and happens unevenly. In this regard the passion slowly dies away, being replaced by other emotions.
Learn how to tempt present or the ex-husband.
If to ask a question of whether it is possible to fall in love each other again, then each psychotherapist will answer: "Of course, it is only necessary to make efforts". And if you say that in the relations there is no passion because the partner became another, for certain, and you changed. It should be taken into account the reasons of changes in more detail.
Change of behavior model
Though we also do not realize it, but a variety, new impressions, feelings or emotions in the impact on a brain are similar to drugs. They start activity which changes a hormonal background. Biologists claim that over time your husband becomes the same acquaintance, as well as the brother. You cease to react to him as on the new person. Scientists noticed that the long monogamous relations mean the same partners day by day. Being people, but not animals, we are not able to support the same level of lust and a heat which tested when feelings were fresh.
Important! According to statistical data, new couples leave from 3 to 5 months after acquaintance more often in time.
Cold in the relations
When married couples reach a two-year point, many mistakenly take natural transition from passionate love for the attachment (accompanying love) for incompatibility and the end of the relations. Change of a libido is not a serious problem. As we become more senior and we get new sexual experiences, our sexual desires also change. Some people consider that they are not attracted any more by the same actions, and now they need other type of stimulation.
But the sharp termination of sexual proximity is not normal. It is an indicator that something separates you, and it is necessary to find a problem source until it became critical. In the relations surely there has to be a niche of personal space and time. And with age slightly more time can be necessary for you for a privacy. It is absolutely quite good, it is not worse, than a change of seasons. The best that you can make — to spend joint time with higher quality. It is difficult for some to perceive that people or interests can become less fascinating. If you introduce a variety and feeling of surprise in the stable relations, it will give them an excellent impulse and will reduce cold between you.
Whether you know? Researches show that places where there is a lot of youth, are optimum for flirtation or the beginning of the relations. It can be colleges, cafe and shopping centers — their visitors are more open for meetings with others. The most improper places are restaurants and movie theaters.
Scandals
For quarrels there can be a set of the reasons. But the main thing in them the fact that joint life with someone strongly differs from acquaintance and joint pastime with it. When you live together, you begin to impose more requirements to the partner, or at you appears high expectations.
Also you can have a set of distinctions: values, a hobby, temperature on the conditioner, dream time, relatives, free time, friends — anything. During romantic love you are rather motivated not to notice them. Then distinctions become obvious. Try to be flexible and tolerant. Besides, most of people do not know how it is possible to discuss a subject without disputes. Even if disagreements are not really pleasant, try to study them during the day. Take several consultations from the practicing specialist in the family relations if all of you time quarrel. It will help to reveal a source of a problem and to plan solutions.
Excessive gratification
Sometimes, to prevent scandal, some people become "excessively flexible". They do not argue with the partner, and just try to make "in own way". You should not do it. It is better to discuss honestly with the husband of disagreement and to come to the general conclusion. Otherwise, you just postpone a problem on later. Collecting, problems can turn into an avalanche which will sweep away your marriage.
Whether you know? Psychologists from the Pennsylvanian university studied biographical particulars more than 10000 people and found out that most of people form the first impression about the person within 3 seconds. This time is enough to define, the person is attractive or not.
Ways to return passion and to get to fall in love the husband again: councils of the psychologist
Quite normally, if you feel less in love with the husband. The calm period in the family relations forces you to feel grieved, shipped in a routine and calls into question the future of marriage. If you found a problem, try not to enter the crisis mode and to begin to adjust a situation earlier. Continue to belong to each other with kindness and understanding.
Rest from a routine
Think of what you love and you appreciate in the partner. With what qualities do you admire or surprised? Put them into practice. And for this purpose it is worth finding new types of activity which will be able to unite you and to bring novelty and joy in the relations. You share new experience and impressions with each other. The spirit of adventurism or a research will be able surely to light a spark of human relations.
Give it about 90 hours a week. Maintain personal interests and the interests of the partner. Remember that each of you — the personality, and you fell in love with each other because of these special lines which you possess. Broadcast through them kindness, respect and love for the husband.
Whether you know? Until the end of the 17th century, not only relatives, but also servants who are involved in housekeeping entered the concept "family".
Tendernesses and love talk
It sounds silly, but over time you forget to share news during the day. Communicating with others, you forget about communication with the husband (who has to be your best friend!). Remember days when you only got acquainted with each other and spoke about dreams, plans, hopes and fears. You liked to communicate. Do not allow it to be lost! Also do not forget that too it is necessary to listen to the husband! Men cannot unburden the heart the same as women, but it is pleasant to them when they are heard after all.
Appearance
It is necessary to watch himself always. Your appearance — a nonverbal signal to the partner in your interest. And if after several years of marriage you cease to watch yourself, your husband can have an impression that it stopped being to you it is interesting.
Update clothes, a hairstyle, organize a meeting alone in the new place, a joint campaign somewhere. Send to it the message until it at work, and allocate some time of two for you one night (or at night). Make efforts to look better and show it that it is worth it.
Also read about that as it is correct to satisfy the husband in a bed.
Sexual frankness
You can excessively love the partner, idolize him and consider the best in the world. But these feelings seldom turn into long-term passion. In the long term sex becomes a little interesting to the woman though it physiologically is more necessary to it much earlier, than the man. Women's idea of passionate sex depends more on novelty, than men's. Try to rediscover the relations with the husband! Intrigue and tempt him, it will give a new impulse to your marriage. Being the taken place couple, you can decide that in appointments there is no need any more. Nevertheless, appointments — there was perfectly spent time! Why to refuse it voluntarily?! Life pushes personal needs on the second plan. You become the wife, mother, the employee and it is a lot more whom. But you should not allow your feelings and desires to become the last in this row.
Important! Researches show that happiness is infectious, and partners leave happy people less often.
Useful tips
If your partner has an attractive mind, kind heart and fine soul — it is magnificent. These qualities allow you to love each other longer. Postpone old offenses at a moment and attentively look at the half: if you met for the first time and gathered for an appointment blindly, or would be in close labor relations — as you would estimate this person? What its strengths, attractive lines? Often such analysis helps to awaken inclination and does possible resumption of your love.
One more good exercise for revival of feeling of love and inclination — to work "as though". Irrespective of how tasteless became old nervousness, begin to flirt and look after anew. You pay compliments, you give gifts. Try to make something new together — for example, register in lessons of dances or in courses of learning a modern language. Sharing of activity of a new type creates and lights your passion anew. Though a variety and surprise seem similar, actually it is different things. The choice of new restaurant for visit provides a variety. And here familiarizing with a new joint type of activity can become a surprise source. The problem is that the longer you are familiar, the it is less than sources for surprise. Therefore choose something really new. Do surprises for each other. Psychologists claim that than is more unexpected a surprise, especially long flash of happiness it causes. The surprise is a source of bigger satisfaction, than the stable relations. Refuse predictability in favor of novelty.
We recommend to you to learn how to hold near ourselves the man.
One more good news is that the long-term outlook and hard work bring notable benefit. And it becomes relevant then when children grew up. You can have a feeling of novelty and unpredictability again. Sources of problems, as well as ways of their decision can be different. Find from many councils what is suitable for your marriage. Also do not forget to find periodically new sources of inspiration and reset of the relations.