It was necessary to hear more than once a story about how, having returned from maternity hospital with replenishment, happy mother faced reaction of the senior child, unexpected for herself to appearance of the new family member. "Its Vybros on a garbage can", - sounds like a bolt from the blue. And what now with it to do?
It is better not to bring, of course, to this dramatic situation when it is necessary to think on the run how to correct a situation. Reaction of the senior child is predictable and clear for the thinking and loving parent. The child got used to be the only thing, to feel as the center of family on which the attention of all adults is focused.
It will be pleasant to whom if mother instead of playing or esteeming in the evening, goes to bathe and rock to sleep long the shouting baby? And the schedule habitual exchanged because mother feeds it each three hours now. Also the bed had to be conceded to it because it small, and you are already big. All this is very offensive, unfair and it is better to send him back to shop, to put in cabbage, to return to a stork or the nurse in maternity hospital who took out it and handed to the father.
Then these children's emotions, this the jealousy, painful, excessive for the little person, can forever destroy the relations between dear people, put between them an insuperable barrier even extramental until the end of hostility.
In the power of the clever and loving parents to construct between children of the relation benevolent, friendly, based on love, attention to each other, mutual care. How to make so that children were amicable that they had to each other good feelings, but not jealousy and eternal rivalry?
It is much simpler to resolve issues when they do not rise an edge, requiring immediate solutions, and having a presentiment of a possibility of their emergence, to predrinimat measures turning a situation as it will be correct.
The simplest situation in this sense, when children of a weather. In this case they take presence of each other at the life for granted, probability also is high that friends, interests, games and hobbies they will have the general. If the child already realizes himself as a part of family, problems can be more and they can be different, depending on age.
If the senior child still small, the preschool child or the younger school student, then as soon as it becomes known that in family there will be a replenishment, organize the general family holiday, with an action, interesting to the child: visit a panda park, a zoo, aquapark or any other place where the child likes to be. What was the cause of general family triumph, the child has to learn from the story by parents that the same holiday was when learned that soon in family it will appear, all were also glad and looked forward to its birth. And if a holiday, then memorable thematic presents with some family symbolics - here a scope for imagination have to be by all means given all. For adults the gifts can be symbolical, it is better for child to present something what he dreamed long ago of. This day, happy for all family, to it it has to be good, and the first emotion connected with fast appearance of the brother or sister has to be positive.
In all the time of pregnancy make plans for the future when in family the kid appears with the child. Tell the child as it will be good to them to play together as they will be on friendly terms what reliable defenders they will be for each other as will walk together with a dog and to go to the park, to think out performances by holidays and to prepare different surprises, to collect the designer and to play outdoor games. And as it will be exciting to go together everything to a holiday, to the sea or to the village. Children very much like to dream of bright future, to cost plans, and in all details. Let in these plans he will get used to see future brother or the sister, will begin to wait for him emergence. Parents need to catch sensitively mood of the child, to see his reactions to understand where there can be a problem.
If the senior child still sleeps in a bed which you plan to give to the newborn later, then move him on the new place of month for three before appearance of the kid that it did not look so as if younger something takes away from the senior. Make so that resettlement was pleasant. If it is necessary to buy a new bed or a sofa for the senior, let him participate in purchase, consider his opinion and a wish upon purchase. If he moves on already available berth, then buy personally for it a beautiful cover or a sleeping set. And too make it together with the child. Let at all stages of expectation of the kid there will be as much as possible pleasant moments.
In a talk it is necessary to try to emphasize all advantages of position of the senior. For example, to discuss that when you go to the sea, the kid will be able to wet only legs, and he as he already big, is time to learn to swim and needs not to forget to buy oversleeves. It is possible to plan that as soon as it is possible to leave for a long time, you will go for a walk to the park where the kid will go in a carriage and will sleep, and the senior does not need to buy the scooter or the sparkling sneakers, and can be even with the built-in wheels. If you have in plans to buy later a two-level bed, then, of course, the senior on the legitimate right will sleep above.
And, of course, everything promised will need to be executed when term comes.
In day of an extract the nurse can transfer some gift for the senior child, let small in advance and to ask that she when transfers the newborn meeting, gave this present and congratulated the senior brother or the sister on such fine event.
And it is important not to forget in vanity of infinite cases that your grown-up senior, but nevertheless the kid, very much needs that he was embraced, put on knees or near, kissed and told that he is the best and favourite.
If the difference between children on age big, then mother has the right to count on some help of the senior child, but without shifting to it the duties, without building the life at the expense of the senior child. Making the decision on the birth of the kid, it is necessary to count the forces so that for the senior there was burden no help in leaving for younger, the irritation in its address, and also towards parents was not saved. Often happens so that helping parents to raise younger children, seniors, having become adults, long postpone the birth of own children, and even do not want to become parents at all . To give birth one or ten is own choice of parents and, involving the senior children in care of younger - that fairly and it is quite admissible, it is generally necessary to count, nevertheless, on the forces and opportunities.
These are absolutely simple councils, but, ignoring similar vital trifles, we prepare for ourselves big problems. It is necessary to be more attentive and more careful only to each other.