The accidental call, not erased message, unexpected meeting or gossips of well-wishers – learn about treachery differently. And here the habitual and cozy world scattered on one thousand splinters, in the head turmoil, in the face of a tear, and quite tangible pain lodged in a breast. It is what was endured once by the deceived woman. The woman who learned that the husband changed her.
Family life after treason never will be former any more – now everything will share on "to" and "later". It is sick. Especially, when unconditionally you trust the person and sacredly you believe that he loves you. The commonplace about pink glasses, appears, not a metaphor at all, and you accurately understand now that they flew from your eyes.
The first reaction of the woman are tears. Tears of bitterness, pity to, rage to the husband and his hobby: someone writhes in hysterics, someone just silently cries. We ask questions, demanding to explain the reason of such perfidy, sometimes we row, and even we rush with fists. These are emotions of the first days. It is difficult to cope with them – they have to leave therefore it is necessary to allow himself both to condole and to cry. And only then, with a fresh mind, it is possible to solve how with it to live how to keep marriage and whether, in general, it is worth doing it.
Reasons of men's treason
Statistics says that treason is the most common cause of stains. What pushes the man to it? It is considered that it is new love, passionate and all-consuming. It's not trueIt's not true. Most often treason happens under the influence of alcohol, from interest and in separation. Precedes treason:
- minute weakness,
- desire to ego-trip,
- thirst of novelty,
- intense situation of the house,
- cooling of feelings or their absence,
- long separation.
Options there can be a set, but they in any degree, do not acquit the man. Treachery and incorrectness are meanly and low. After all, if something does not arrange in marriage, it is possible to tell and try to solve about it a problem through joint efforts. If it is absolutely intolerable to live under the same roof with the wife, then it is better to admit and leave in it, without tormenting with vain hopes either themselves, or her.
Anyway, units honestly arrive. The majority tries to hide (or to hide long time) the sin (or sins). And here, besides, there are reasons:
- he really loves the wife, and everything that happened (sometimes under the influence of alcohol) – only an annoying mistake, had made which the man sincerely regrets;
- during long separation from darling suddenly did not keep from temptation – the physiology prevailed (can be under the influence of hot);
- he loves the wife, and is not going to leave it, but it became boring for it and he tries to diversify the life;
- he sincerely considers that he all men of a poligamna and does not see anything bad in treason, equating sex to sport;
- feelings to the wife cooled down long ago, but it is convenient to it to live with her – life is adjusted and children do not want to be thrown;
- the wife does not cause former emotions, an extramarital affair long ago any more, but it is terrible to change everything as there is no confidence in the future;
- it does not accept a situation in family, and it runs away from it.
Thus, the unfaithful husband can tell the treason a lot of things. He can designate himself as the egoist to whom only the desires are important can express a protest, and can reveal on the other hand.
How to work?
Before the first passions settle, there will pass some time which will allow to be defined in the decision. What should I do? How to behave after treason of the husband? To forgive him? To forget everything? To revenge the same coin? All these questions and crowd in the head of the deceived woman. The mood changes instantly – one minute she decides to throw the traitor, in another – forgives him weakness. Still after a while the plan to sweep in which they with the spouse by all means will trade places arises in the head, and he will suffer bitterness of treachery.
Actually, how to behave in such situation, the husband will prompt (oddly enough). If the man grew cold to the spouse and he is weighed long ago by marriage, he will behave provocatively. Very clearly (and words) it will show that it the fact that the wife suffers does not worry at all. On the contrary, he will emphasize that it is not a shame to it that he does not consider it anything supernatural. And if for the wife it is sick and offensive, then these are her problems.
How to be in this case? Even it is not necessary to guess - the man painted everything: the woman needs only to reconcile if she wants to keep further the marriage, or to take cardinal measures. As a rule, the first option does not lead to good – soon, having been tired of indifference of the husband and his constant unfaithfulness, the woman nevertheless leaves. Completely devastated and crushed. Some, however, remain in marriage, being covered with what all men change and to change a pricker for soap there is no sense. There is no wish to dissuade them from it even.
If the man becomes attentive, precautionary and in every possible way tries to make amends – it is not necessary to act rashly. Most likely, he sincerely regrets and afraid to lose the spouse. Treason brings a lot of grief, but if it happened because of levity or minute weakness – it does not threaten marriage. On the contrary, many men admit that they only after treason began to appreciate the spouse really. And most of them do not repeat the mistake.
Of course in treason, whatever one may do, there is nothing good. But it does not mean break in relations - it is only an alarm call, a crack and motivation to correction of mistakes. If couple did not divorce in the heat of the moment, then, most likely, their union will become stronger and more reliable.
How to the woman to endure treason?
Now, when the essence of treason is clear, it is time to deal with how to the woman to behave with the husband.
- The venomous tone, sarcasm and continuous reproaches needs to be removed far away. We already splashed out all emotions right after treason revealed. Now it is necessary to be higher than it. It is necessary to communicate with the spouse exactly, a little cool and only in essence. Let will feel some dispassionateness and will a little be fidgety.
- Joint time pro-driving in the first days after treason – not the best idea. You will tell nothing good to the spouse, and a talk and will turn around a sore subject. But on a visit or on a sit-round gathering with friends you should not refuse a joint campaign. There you will distract from sad thoughts.
- To meet girlfriends, to walk on shops, to go to the museum or in theater – it is possible and it is necessary. The more will be communication, the less will remain to time for pity to itself. And it is not necessary to feel sorry for himself in this situation precisely.
- As it is banal, but changes play in appearance nearly a crucial role during this difficult period. A new hairstyle, a make-up, several dumped kilograms – and here self-confidence increased, the fear of loneliness receded somewhere, and the unfaithful spouse was lost in guesses that induced you to blossom.
- New hobby will be too by the way. Psychologists claim that the best medicine – employment. It's true. Knitting, sewing, weaving from beads or Greco-Roman wrestling – anything. Direct it all efforts and it will become much easier.
What cannot be done
To endure treason of the husband not easy – to control the emotions very difficult, but there are things which cannot be done, by no means:
- it is constant to go into hysterics and reproach;
- to become reserved;
- to tell all about what occurred in family (excess gossips to anything);
- to revenge the same coin;
- to pretend that nothing occurred (the man has to realize a mistake).
There is more. If after treason the man left family - it is not the end of the relations yet. 75% of unfaithful husbands come back, without having found in the mistress and a small share of the fact that it is necessary for them. And to accept the reveller back or not is a personal record of everyone. The main thing not to lead up it to the point of absurdity.