The death of relatives - the most serious shock which can occur in life of any person. Often adult, taking loss of the significant person hard, do not know how to report about it to the child.
The most not constructive that parents in case of the death of the relative who was known and loved by the child can make, is to suppress both the fact of death, and the experiences about it.
First, the child feels your experiences. He hears scraps of phrases, your sobbing, sees the pursed lips and moist eyes, notices your rage on life which naturally can be updated after loss. Seeing your experiences, the child does not understand what occurs. It disturbs him, deprives of sense of security and confidence.
Secondly, if to suppress the fact of death of the loved one from the child, then he will continue to wait when that returns. Will ask you where now the grandmother or the grandfather why she does not go to play with it why does not call by telephone and does not answer calls.
Children are inclined to finish thinking and, as a rule, the reason of all troubles see themselves. If you is rather from the child the truth about the death of the relative, then he will decide that you are so upset and are angry because of him. That it he some bad, time the grandmother does not want to communicate with it more. Such conclusions negatively affect emotional wellbeing and the child's self-assessment.
It is necessary to tell about the death of the close relative to the child the truth:
- To call the fact that the relative died. And, if the child is still small (3-6 years), then to accompany statement of this fact with your outlook about what happened to the relative after death.
- To explain causes of death: from a disease, from an old age, from accident, etc.
Now in culture traditions of grieving and accommodation of death of relatives are lost. Therefore at the moment there is no best way to report to the child about death, than to tell about it directly. At the same time it is necessary to offer the child your way of grieving, everyone has it the. For example, to cry, having embraced. Or to disperse on different corners and to endure a grief in silence and loneliness. Or to meet other relatives, to organize a commemoration, etc.
Whether to take the child on a funeral - the family solves only. If the child is small (up to 8-9 years), then for him parents completely solve, weighing both the forces, and traditions of family, and feature of the child, and his relation with the died relative.
If the child reached before - or actually teenage age (9 years and are more senior) and completely understands what occurred, it is necessary to ask it whether he wants to say goodbye to the dead. And then the decision on whether the child should attend a funeral, parents accept together with the child.