How did we get used to react to tears of our children? What do we feel? Most often it is confusion, there is a wish to make quicker so that he became silent, disturbed nobody and did not dishonor parents.
Usually the most widespread ways are used.
- Stop now! People look at us. Aren't you ashamed?
- If you do not stop now, then will be left without sweet / will go to a corner / will not receive a gift
- If you cease to sob now, then house you will wait for a surprise
- Oh, look what car goes / the birdie flies
Whether such technicians help? Often help. But help here and now to cease "to be dishonored", and here they work for further prospect not in the best way. They do not allow to build up trusting relationship between the child and the parent. Also do not allow children to learn to understand the feelings.
AS IT IS CORRECT:
Pay attention: now we speak not about hysteric manipulations. It does not mean that similar does not deserve attention to the child, just actions will be a little others there.
Now we speak about a situation when the child painfully reacts to something.
The first step: to remember that the child's tears always signal that to him it is bad. He does not feign and does not invent, for him it is valid important.
The second step: do not try to forbid it to worry. In a different way it is possible to tell, do not forbid it to feel what he feels now. Even if it seems to you that a situation foolish.
The third step: if it turns out to console and calm, then make it. At least, embrace and let know that you are near.
The fourth step: try get to talking the child. Let will tell you that for a problem with it happened that happens to it why he cries. It seems to us that our children small and silly, but they quite often surprise us with depth of the experiences and stories about them. Especially, if in family this usual thing.
The fifth step: try to think up a way out together. Sometimes even not the solution of the problem, but search of this decision leads to removal of tension.
The sixth step: solve a problem if it is possible.
It is sometimes heavy to hold every time in the head this scheme and to follow it. But let you will be consoled by two facts: it will turn out easier and easier each time, over time will reach automatism. And children to whom did not put the ban on feelings, and taught them to distinguish and to work with them, grow up the sensitive people capable to build up the deep relationship.