The love is the feeling sung in centuries. Unless the dependence on it can be a problem? The answer – yes. When the feeling of love is the purpose and meaning of life when an object of love turns into the only center of attention when own life and wellbeing under the threat – are time to get rid of love dependence.
Ideas that the love addiction is always such dysfunctional relations in which one partner uplifts another on a pedestal, forgives all shortcomings of character and justifies numerous offenses are right only partly. This scenario only one of possible. The second party in the dependent relations can be faultless, but it will not affect dysfunctionality of couple in any way. Therefore it is necessary to pay attention to the feelings, to realize what requirements you satisfy in these relations.
If it only desire to be with someone, fear of loneliness, the need for that someone cared for you or most to care for someone – at you, with a high share of probability, love dependence. Symptoms of an addiction are also frequent love, quickly passing into the "serious" relations, ignoring of negative behavior of the partner, attempt to control it for own comfort, unreal expectations from the romantic relations, representation that only the love will meet all requirements and desires.
The love dependence is similar narcotic. It is alone very difficult to cope with it. Most often roots of dysfunctional behavior go to the childhood. For formation of unhealthy patterns there can be a set of the reasons. To find out what led to the available situation – work of the psychologist. Ask for the help the expert.
Possibly your relations still have a chance, but you can find out only having left them that through some time to estimate sensibly. If your partner is connected with you the real feelings if he sincerely cares for you, then he is interested in that to you it was good and will manage to step aside to give you space for healing and time for it. If he does not agree to a pause, frightens you by the fact that "it is the end", then parting with this person – the benefit. It not the one who is necessary to you. Healthy borders – a part of mental health and guarantee of harmony in the relations. The partner not the person interested to observe them not ready to give you time for their restoration – is toxic. The original love means that people care for wellbeing of each other.
Realize that that pain which you feel from parting has nothing in common with what you had relations. Most of people mourns not that there was actually, and what it could be in their dreams. As the reason tries to cure the wounded heart, it often blocks painful memories, forces out them, and you grieve for good times, idealizing them, forgetting about bad. The best strategy is to sit down and write down all that hurt you, offended and upset you. Point of these records not in feeling anger, regrets, fault or grief, re-reading the notes, and in remembering from what you want to leave and to what to come.
If you managed to leave the unhealthy relations, then natural feelings which you feel, remembering as unfairly with you managed, – anger and indignation. For mentality they serve as disturbing signals and also the safety cushion softening a break with the people hurting to you. However to continue to have the same feelings after parting it means to get stuck in the past, to allow it to operate your life. Forgiveness leads, first of all, to your emotional freedom.
It is easier to forgive someone if you distract for the concrete offenses caused you, and you will try to look at a situation from the point of view of other person. In most cases, if your partner was not a terry abuser, he did not act, proceeding from desire to do you harm. Usually people behave in one way or another, meaning in volume some benefit for themselves, and the interests of others or go to the second turn, or are not considered at all. It is not the best strategy in the relations, but rather widespread. The ability to understand others motives, will help you to look more consciously in the past, to make unpleasant memoirs less personal and painful.
To manage to construct the healthy love relations, it is necessary to learn to love himself, first of all. It is necessary to believe that you deserve good attitude to yourself, cares, participation, heat. It is impossible without positive perception of own personality. If you are full of a negative in relation to yourself, constantly criticize yourself, consider unworthy good attitude, you will subconsciously choose every time of such partner who will broadcast the attitude towards you too. It is impossible to expect that someone another will treat you better, than you treat yourself.
Each person is an integral self-sufficient personality. There are no "halves" intended to you. On the planet there live billions of people and it is much more of those with whom at you it can "turn out", than one person. If the relations sputtered out, hurt you, are not supporting, find forces to go further. If you grew up as the personality, worked on yourself, realized the last mistakes, it will help you to find that person with whom you will come to a new step and you will construct the harmonious relations. You do not force an event and do not consider that it is possible to realize itself only in love.