Children usually turn to the words of parents a deaf ear, but do not miss an opportunity to imitate them. Having heard phone call, mother shouts the eight-year-old daughter: "Tell that me there is no house!" In ten years mother shouts at the eighteen-year-old daughter: "At whom you learned to lie?" Before beginning to be anxious because of negative impact of people around on our children, let's argue.
- If I do not want my child to send driving the SMS, I also should not act this way.
- If I do not want my child to go to movies to "children up to 16", I should not watch them too.
- If I do not want my children to talk smut, I need to monitor the speech.· if I do not want my children to complain of others, I need to criticize less people around.
When we lament because of acts of our children when we postpone, expecting that someone will undertake something when we look for whipping boys, in our actions there is no personal responsibility. But we can develop it by means of the QBQ method - Question Behind the Question (a question behind a question).
Facing a problem of education or having feeling of disappointment, we mentally ask ourselves the following questions: "Well why children do not obey me?" and "When they will begin to do what I ask?" Having only glanced deep into these questions, we will find correct. For example: "What do I should do in a different way?" and "How to become the good parent?" Asking these questions, you will focus on yourself and will try to change something. So, is more detailed about QBQ.1. QBQ begin with the words "that", "as" and "how", but not "why" "when" also "who": a) the questions "why" involve complaints and make active thinking of the victim, for example: "Why to bring up so hard?" or "Why my child badly studies?"; b) the questions "when" lead to delay, for example: "When my children will begin to do what I ask?" or "When already somebody will take care of it?"; c) the questions "who" are raised by charges and search of guilty persons: "Who made it?" or "Who will help my children to receive good marks?".2. QBQ contain personal pronouns "I", "me", but not "they", "you" or even "we", on – to the fact that it is only possible to change itself. For example: "What can I make?" 3. QBQ always regard acts as of paramount importance. The personal responsibility causes positive changes now, allowing us to contribute to education and on to influence a situation. To learn to apply QBQ, it is necessary to acquire a certain terminology and formulations. The Wrong Questions (WQ) begin with the words "why", "when" and "who" and result in thinking of the victim, complaints, delay and charges. Having compared HB and QBQ, you will understand how just to introduce this effective method in life: • Why the daughter does not listen to my councils? (NV) • When already will the son become with me frank? (NV) • Who made a mess here? (NV) • What can I make to understand her requirements? (QBQ) • How to me to construct more trusting relationship? (QBQ) • How I will help the child to develop good habits? (QBQ) Attentively study these questions. Feel what means to ask the correct questions, QBQ. And be afraid of nothing: any person can introduce the QBQ method immediately!