The problem of relationship "daughter-in-law mother-in-law" is known from time immemorial. But not in all families difficult relationship between mother and the man's wife is established. To all family members and especially young husband who is besides the beloved son, it is worth showing wisdom and patience not to allow emergence and development of hostility between two women.
Common causes of the conflict "daughter-in-law mother-in-law"
Appearance of the new family member acting through the daughter-in-law sometimes generates a set of questions and mistrust at the mother-in-law. The young new wife can not correspond to stereotypes of more skilled woman. For example, if the daughter-in-law has a "frivolous" profession – the singer, the actress, the secretary, etc., it can already give a reason for idea of it as about the thoughtless person. Further – more: cavils on trifles, at the household level begin: not so you cook, you erase, you wash; irrationally you are in charge of housekeeping; you have a bad taste in clothes, etc.
If in young family children appear, between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law the war because of a difference in views of issues of their education can begin. The argument of mother of the husband, as a rule, is rather convincing: "I brought up the beautiful son". But also the young wife can also find arguments in own favor, having said that it is her child that present methods of education it is much more progressive, than those which were twenty years ago, etc. As a result infinite disputes, quarrels and offenses can gain chronic character and pour out in deeply settled personal hostility.
Sometimes he becomes an object of disputes and hostility directly are a son and the young husband. Here already between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law the open war for the right to be the most important in the man's life is waged. The first – does not want to yield the being available earlier leading position, the second does not wish to be behind "mother" somewhere away.
What can the man make?
The man has to try to prevent emergence of the conflicts between his mother and the wife. How to make it? First of all, personal example. Women have to feel that you really respect and love both of them. Do not give strong preference of one of them in their presence. If your mother unjustly is angry with the daughter-in-law or exaggerates her shortcomings, try to talk quietly and confidentially to the instigator of the conflict. Explain to your mother that you love her at all not less, than before that for you she will always be the dearest and loved one. Tell also that for you good relationship between it is very important and your wife, ask to respect your choice. You should not abuse the wife in the presence of mother, to complain of her, etc. Having quarreled from darling, you, most likely, reconcile with her soon, and your mother with whom you colourfully painted about what daughter-in-law, bad at it, will hardly be able quickly to forgive her. You remember and about what to induce someone something cannot be do violently. If you directly demand love for the daughter-in-law from the mother, you will achieve boomerang effect. Create situations in which your beloveds will be able to find a common language, to make together any interesting business, etc. In a delicate form remind them more often that on the earth there are no perfect people that everyone has any shortcomings that it is necessary to be more tolerant to each other, to be able to forgive others misses. You teach mother and the daughter-in-law to reach compromise in controversial issues, to look for opportunities for mutual understanding. Do not try to take a position of one of the howling parties, do not aggravate a situation gossips about what was told about your wife by your mother and vice versa, try not to apply estimated judgments to your women, especially at their presence. The role of the arbitrator in the field where plays two contradictory teams, is sufficient is tiresome. But if in the first several months after your marriage you do everything possible to send the relations of your mother and the wife to the friendly course, you will be expected by an award in the form of quiet happy family life.