Often I hear from the acquaintances having children of initial school and teenage age, "You will not communicate with Vasya, Kolya, Natasha because they are not pleasant to me!", "I to you forbid to communicate with so and so! Whether" It is possible to speak so? Whether we are right, adults, in this case?
I think that I am not present. At communication of our child, objectionable for us, with neighbour's rowdy-dowdy Petya, the simplest that we can make — to nip communication in the bud, it is simple to forbid, intimidating at disobedience by physical punishment, deprivation of cash or something else. So really it is the simplest to us to perceive our children how the slaves who are implicitly carrying out our will? If tyrannically adjusted mom or dad suppresses endlessly aspirations of the child, his personal desires, to criticize his own opinion, then as a result the weak-willed being, so-called "mother's darling" or the daughter — "a hothouse plant", going down stream, sure will grow from such offspring killed in every respect at best that has no right to vote at all.
I, of course, agree that in education the authority of parents, but the authority to the authority discord is very important. "My decisions are not discussed because I so solved!" — it is the simplest to tell quite so, to wave away, especially, when there is no wish to spend the precious time for any conversations with the children. It in a root is wrong! Any your decision has to be absolutely reasoned if you solved quite so, then desire to explain – why instead of forbidding communication, it is necessary to talk to the son or the daughter, it is simple to sit down and talk.
It is necessary to begin with the fact that you do not like not the hooligan Petya, but manners of his behavior, its vocabulary and so on, list to the child that does not suit you in the friend chosen by it. Tell that you are very much disturbed by copying by the son of behavior and Petya, Vasya or Sasha's habits. Explain to the child why so you should not behave.
Build a conversation quietly, absolutely without increase in a voice, but your main idea has to be persistent. Find out what is pleasant to your child in the new friend, there can be his authority among peers, more advanced age, or your child just feels in his company protected and to it from it is very comfortable.
Explain very intelligibly to the son the position, but do not forbid communication at all, the child has to have the opinion, do not forget that he first of all the personality. And one more before accusing unsuitable, in your opinion, for friendship with your child of the boy or the girl in all mortal sins, think, if your child so reaches for him, can be besides negative lines of his character, at it is, and maybe there is a lot of, good points in behavior which just escaped your look.
Ostrovsky said: "It is impossible in judgments, flitting a moth, to concern only a surface of objects". This phrase in permission of any conflicts is simply obliged to become key.